Story: Artemis Fowl is the story of this mastermind whose father is kidnapped and embarks on a journey with the aid of his butler and a “Fairy Girl” to find a powerful object so he can save his dad. All the while, a bunch of shit happens that you won’t really care much about and will pray to the God's for this to end.
So here’s the thing: I’m the most flexible movie goer out there. I like (generally considered) bad movies like “Fear Dot Com”, “Darkness Falls”, the “Resident Evil” sequels and even the “Alita". I will try to find anything to admire because I’m a firm believer that there’s always something positive to gather from all types of art (that’s why I listen to reggaetón).
But somewhere along the way this train derailed. Now I've not read the books (nor do I intend to) but there's too much stuff happening and way too many characters introduced in a small running time for this kind of YA tale. Characters like Artemis Fowl Jr. (played by Colin Farrell) are introduced and then disappear for more than half the running-time only to pop up at the end for closure. Why even hire such an actor if he has less than ten minutes of screentime? Judi Dench really needs to make some better life choices because "Cats" & now this, is embarrassing. The lady has talents wasted here. And that is a fucking insult. Ferdia Shaw (whom I've never heard of before) has little charisma and that hairdo is distracting. Nonso Anozie (from the "Zoo" series) has very little to do here except look tough. Josh Gad is the only one who seems to be having fun in this goofy mess.
The CGI although not bad at all, feels like it could've been improved. I mean this is Disney, they have the budget. But they clearly didn't care enough, or believed in this project.
There's a confrontation towards the end between our heroes and a troll (who looked way better in "Harry Potters And The Sorcerers Stone") that is probably the most energy this dullfest had. The rest of the action leaves no impression. How can a movie in the vein of "Harry Potter", "The Hunger Games", & "Percy Jackson" (to name a few) be so darn boring. And in the end that is the biggest sin of them all. I can forgive an all over the place story, 1 dimensional characters, bad acting, but I can never forget being boring. At 1hr and 35 mins this thing feels longer than "Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers".
So, when all is said and done you won't remember much about this one. Neither will the kids who are the primary market. This is a boring mess with no heart.
Commenti